


Life Sentence

by NanakiBH



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Ending, Dysfunctional Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Incest, M/M, Major Spoilers, Post-Change of Heart!Shido, Regret, Unconventional Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 08:26:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12406755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: He would haunt him for her.





	Life Sentence

**Author's Note:**

> ((SPOILERS))
> 
> This fic assumes that Akechi survived somehow. Shido isn't in prison because ????? Once the spin-offs are out, I'll know how realistic or totally unrealistic this is. lol Let's just pretend that this is taking place in its own dimension for now.
> 
> A friend got talking to me about how Akechi would feel about Shido's change of heart and we agreed that it'd make him feel all kinds of conflicted. So that's what this is about. Writing heart-changed Shido was a challenge. I didn't want to make him still be a sobbing mess because I didn't want to make him feel too pitiable. I think I managed to find an acceptable middleground.
> 
> If this ship or the tags make you feel uncomfortable, don't read.

The smell of fresh coffee...

Akechi was gradually brought back to awareness. He opened his eyes just slightly, squinting against the morning sunlight from the windows on the side of the room. It was cold, so he didn't feel motivated to leave the warmth of the covers. Dimly, he noticed that the sheets had all been pushed onto his side of the bed. He didn't think he could've done that by himself in his sleep. He didn't linger on the thought, though.

He just rolled over and buried his face in the pillow next to his.

 

He still didn't know what reason he had to smile...

 

Everything was wrong. Nothing happened like it was supposed to. He was definitely disappointed that all of it had gone to waste; his hard work, his time, his anguish, his sacrifices... Years of planning. Years of one single thought that he thought of obsessively, that kept him alive when nothing else was sufficient.

The man he wanted to kill was dead.

And he'd been replaced by someone Akechi didn't know.

Someone so different.

 

“Goro.”

 

That name didn't even sound familiar coming from that mouth. Akechi almost didn't even recognize it as his own name.

 

“It's morning. Even if you have nothing to do, you should be awake. You aren't dead yet, so don't lay around like a corpse.” A cup of coffee was offered to him. “Drink this and wake up.”

 

Akechi sat up and shivered strongly when his bare shoulders met the cold air outside the blankets. He cursed his decision to fall asleep before putting his clothes back on. It felt comfortable at the time, but he hadn't accounted for the awkward feeling he'd have in the morning when the man he slept with was handing him coffee.

He found it hard to lift his head. After all the time spent begging for his attention, he didn't know what he was supposed to do with it once he had it. He still wanted to be mad at him, but he couldn't. The one he hated was already gone. He hadn't been able to do it with his own hands, so he never got to tell him just how much he hated him, how badly he wanted him to suffer for the loneliness he inflicted on him.

“Coffee.”

Akechi tentatively looked up and took the cup from him.

“Thank you, uh...” He didn't know what to call him. “...Shido-san?”

He huffed and sat on the edge of the bed with his own coffee. “Don't call me that. I'm your father.”

Something in Akechi's chest tightened painfully.

He lowered the cup to his lap to warm his cold thighs and stared into the steaming surface. “Then what do I call you? I can't call you by your first name. That feels too strange.”

“It didn't sound like you had a problem calling me 'papa' last night.”

“Th-That was different for a number of reasons. I... I was getting into it, alright? That's all. It didn't mean anything.” Overnight, it was like he got way worse at disguising his feelings. Akechi wouldn't have minded if a freak lightning storm appeared and struck the house to kill him instantly. “Can't I just keep calling you 'Shido-san' until I figure out what I want to call you?”

“Suit yourself,” Shido said. He took a drink of his coffee and looked over his shoulder as if waiting to see his reaction to it.

His attention made Akechi want to get up and drink it in another room by himself.

 

Avoiding his eyes, Akechi slowly raised the cup to his lips and took a sip.

 

Made a face.

 

“You call this coffee?”

It was foul. Whatever it was, it barely deserved to be called coffee. It was just hot bean water.

“Don't complain,” Shido said. He actually looked a bit hurt to have his coffee-making skills criticized. They really deserved to be criticized, though... Especially if he planned on making coffee for him again.

Akechi took another sip.

It tasted disgusting, but it warmed his body.

That seemed to be his favorite flavor.

Draping the sheets over his shoulders, Akechi dragged them behind him across the large bed and sat down behind Shido with his coffee. He would've moved to another room, but it was cold and it would've been too much trouble to take the sheets with him or put on clothes. He didn't plan on going anywhere. He didn't plan on doing anything. He didn't have plans anymore.

When he got shot, his motivation was killed.

“I don't think this is good for you,” Shido said.

Akechi leaned against him and snorted. “This coffee? I know. I might die. I'm not sure this is fit for human consumption.”

Finally, Shido turned around. He put a hand on his shoulder and moved him away from him. “I'm talking about _this_.”

Eyes narrowed, Akechi slapped away his hand. “I'm an adult now, _papa_. I can make my own decisions.”

“The difference in our ages isn't the problem,” he said, his expression conveying an uncomfortable feeling. It looked out of place on his face. “It's the fact that we're related.”

“Doesn't seem to be a problem for you. Even after your change of heart, you still like fucking your son like a true blue pervert,” Akechi said, smiling widely. The night before, Shido seemed to have no compunction about fucking him into the mattress. “I'm happy you're the way you are, to be honest. I was afraid your attraction to me might've been just a part of your heart's distortion.”

“Well unfortunately, I have a conscience now,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “You shouldn't stick around with me. Go out and find someone your own age.”

Was he being serious...?

The Thieves really fucked him up.

“It's too early for me to laugh as hard as that deserves,” Akechi said. That time, he grabbed Shido by the shoulder and pulled him back, forcing him to look at him to make him recall the depths of the delirious madness swirling in his head. “Papa, I'm a killer.”

“But, I was-”

Akechi stopped him, putting a hand over his mouth.

“No. I knew what I was doing,” he said, eyes on Shido's; steadfast, serious. “I can't say I wouldn't do it again. I still get excited when I think about it.”

All of that. It was his idea.

He knew what kind of man Shido was. That was why he approached him and made a deal with him.

So he couldn't stand to hear Shido acting like everything was his fault, like he was the grand mastermind, like _he_ was the one who won. He didn't win anything but a lobotomy. They were both losers – and there was no way Akechi could have felt satisfied with a conclusion like that.

He couldn't. He refused.

 

He roughly released him.

 

Shido touched his mouth and blinked, staring down blankly at the bed. Without his suit, he looked ordinary. It made him too easy for Akechi to push around.

That wasn't fun at all...

That wasn't Shido.

There was nothing satisfying about beating up an old man who refused to fight back.

Shido turned away, cradling his coffee. “As I am now... I can't encourage you to lie or hide your identity. It's a strange feeling... When they changed my heart, it was like I couldn't permit a single action my subconscious recognized as immoral. I feel like I'm coming back to my senses now, but I'm not quite my old self. Even if I wanted, I don't think I could repeat the mistakes I made.” He released a weary breath. “What I'm saying is...”

Akechi didn't want to hear it.

“I know,” he said. He took another sip of that awful coffee and put it down at the bedside, then returned. He let the bedsheets fall off his shoulders as he draped himself over Shido's back, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. “I know,” he repeated, close to his ear, “but that's stupid. It's too late. I'm not going to push my daddy issues and criminal history on some random innocent. That isn't even the worst, you know – I can't get it up for anyone but you at this point. You think I wanna explain that?”

“Actually... That's not what I was getting at.”

Slowly, Akechi let go of him and sunk down onto his bended knees, immediately feeling awkward for his outburst.

“So I just admitted that for nothing?”

Shido laughed. He set his coffee next to Akechi's and then turned around toward him, a hand on the bed. “I'll take responsibility. I'll support you if you want to try restarting your life. I'm sure I can help you find a way to live normally.”

Everything...

Even that laugh – it was all wrong.

“Who the hell are you?” Akechi asked, voice quiet, a hollow feeling in his chest. He wasn't sure whether he meant to say that out loud. Shido was like a trainwreck; Akechi was fascinated by his new demeanor, but he was afraid to find out the extent of the wreckage. He was afraid that the man he knew was gone for good, even if part of him was still there. “You're not Shido-san. I don't know you.”

The look on Shido's face said that he didn't understand. Everything must have looked so different in his head.

Akechi couldn't understand it, either.

“What is it that you want, Goro?”

“I want you to call me 'Akechi' again. I-...” He paused, breath stuttering, throat constricting with sudden, overwhelming anger. He was so frustrated. Everything was pointless. Even if he shouted at him – even if he really finally killed him – he knew it wouldn't solve anything. The figure in front of him seemed to mock him simply by existing. “I don't want this! This isn't what I wanted! Don't you get it?”

He wanted to hit him, even if it was meaningless. He wanted to let go of the last few threads that kept him stitched together.

Akechi clenched one of his hands into a fist, feeling that desire grow and grow, but his fingers just ached. He couldn't move his body.

Shido's eyes paralyzed him.

That pitying look...

“ _Say something!_ ” he screamed.

The mattress took the impact of his fist. His fingers curled in the sheets and his body shook with emotion he could barely contain.

He didn't want to hold his chest open for Shido, but words alone didn't seem to be enough, especially from a mouth so used to lying. It was exhausting and frustrating. From the moment he opened his eyes and realized he was still alive, that unsettling feeling hadn't left him. Even from long before, he'd been running away from the things he didn't want to acknowledge, but he'd stumbled, and they'd caught up. They were converging on him, and he just...

He was too tired to get back up.

He just wanted to reach out, and...

“What do you want me to say? I've already apologized.”

“I don't want your apologies,” Akechi growled. “You're supposed to be bad! I'm supposed to hate you! You're supposed to be dead...”

Greater than his desire to hit Shido or strangle him was his own desire to vanish at that moment – to disappear without a trace, for his existence to be entirely erased from the past, present, and future. A world without either of them was the only kind of world that should have existed. Shido was supposed to _pay_ , so for him to be sitting there, acting so...

So...

“Tell me I'm worthless,” Akechi said. His grasp of the sheets loosened. Whatever scrap of fight he had left in him finally blew away to join the rest of his motivation, wherever it went. He didn't have it in him to look up again, so he just stayed where he was, staring at his naked knees. “Tell me you have no use for someone hopeless like me. Call me pathetic. Please... Shido-san...”

It wasn't fair.

Being exposed as a fraud, being presumed dead, unable to live a normal life... It wasn't enough. Nothing he did had been enough to fill the gaping void in his chest, and none of the consequences were enough to forgive him for the things he did in his attempt to fill it.

He wanted Shido-san to punish him.

 

“I can't stand this... It hurts...”

 

What was he supposed to do with that person? He didn't know how to connect with him at all. No name seemed right for him, and no emotion seemed right, either. Shido-san was the only person he knew. If he looked back, Akechi was terrified that even the things he thought he knew would have all suddenly been wrong.

In truth... That Shido must have never been who he wanted him to be. The thin pane of glass between them only made him think that he saw the real thing.

 

“I can't call you 'Akechi-kun' anymore. He's dead now, too.”

 

It hurt, hearing it put so simply.

 

With no mask in the way, tears finally ran down his face.

 

It was over for them.

They couldn't go back to the way they used to be.

 

All that time, he thought he was the only one pretending. Perhaps the reason he hadn't noticed Shido's own mask was because he chose to stand so close to him. It was humiliating and absolutely devastating to acknowledge how badly he'd played himself. All of the plans he built up existed to bring the destruction of a man who hadn't even existed – a man who was just like him. A front. A facade.

Akechi knew why he found it so hard to look at him.

Slowly, wearily, he lowered himself to the bed and laid there in the narrow shadow behind Shido's back, letting the cold penetrate his body. He didn't know what feeling he felt, but the tears just kept coming, traveling over the bridge of his nose, soaking the sheets under his cheek.

That distance was familiar. It was comfortable. Not too close. Not too far.

When Shido turned around, finally rearranging his position so he could sit face-to-face with him, Akechi wanted to kick him off the bed. He thought that would've been funny. Shido probably wouldn't have yelled at him for it or hit him or anything...

But Akechi didn't have the energy for that.

“I'm... I'm sorry, Goro. I took advantage of your feelings. I knew that you were never going to kill me.” His small laugh made Akechi want to do more than just kick him off the bed... “I knew you didn't have it in you, and I knew why. Everything you did was suspicious, but I was able to piece it together. You were able to kill for me so easily, but even if I'd taken your hand and made you hold a gun to my head, I knew you wouldn't have been able to do it...” He shook his head as he looked at him. “This is the person you were always trying to hide from me, isn't it? You think I can't understand you? Don't be naïve... I made you.”

He wanted to tell Shido that he was wrong. They'd both been playing the same game. If he'd been more honest... If he'd just told him who he was instead...

It was so pointless to even think about it. It was a thought he'd considered over and over in the past, but it never had an answer he approved of. He wanted Shido to be someone he wasn't. He wanted him to be his father. He wanted him to be someone he could be mad at. But no matter what he did, he would have always remained angry because the person he really hated wasn't Shido.

Shido deserved to be blamed for a lot, but Akechi didn't want to blame him for that.

He couldn't quite explain it...

It hurt, but he was glad for the way it hurt.

 

Akechi rolled onto his back and stared up at him, his vision somewhat blurry.

“Are you real?”

As weird as that question may have sounded, Shido didn't laugh. “I don't know, either,” he said.

His gaze was tepid, searching, and, although it made Akechi want to hide his face, he let Shido look. Even though it was hard to adjust, it somehow felt important to Akechi for him to look at him, too.

“I probably don't deserve to say anything to you. That's how I feel now,” Shido said. The look on his face was so unusual for him, it made Akechi want to laugh. It looked like he had to struggle really hard to find a sincere voice. “But I'll say this... I'm glad I met you, Goro.”

That was the kind of pain Akechi had spent his whole life looking for...

“Why?” Akechi said, dragging the back of a hand over his eyes. His chest threatened him with a sob when the words he wanted to say reached his tongue. “I ruined everything.”

Shido's ambitions...

His own pathetic ambitions to support him...

“You did a good job, ruining everything.”

 

Ah...

 

Even if he could never become a good person...

There was someone who was just like him.

 

Akechi couldn't help but show a smile. It may have been his very first.

 

“Are you sure you still want to stay here? With me?” Shido asked. He lifted a hand and faltered for a palpable moment before using it to cup Akechi's cheek. “I'll take responsibility for this mess I made.”

“I fell in love with the man my mother loved,” Akechi said. He touched Shido's hand, smiling, and felt as though he'd reclaimed something.

“I wonder which 'Shido' that was...” It looked like the semantics of their conversation were getting to be too much for him to follow. Akechi had to forgive him for that. It was hard to think in ambiguities all the time.

Akechi pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked Shido in the eyes. “My mother loved my father. And so do I,” he said. Placing a hand on Shido's shoulder, he pulled him nearer, letting them collide in a kiss near the bed. The smell of coffee on his breath... The feeling of the large hand that caught his shoulder before he touched the bed... “I don't care if you don't love me. Just... Treat me nicely. Tell me I'm important. Pay attention to me. I think... I think that's probably all she wanted, too.”

He watched Shido's face and felt relieved when he saw him nod solemnly.

Finally.

He was the last.

Shido grasped his hands, fitting their fingers together, and pushed Akechi's arms over his head on either side. Even in that compromising position, Akechi felt a new sense of power over the man above him.

“You might not've had it in you... But that woman would've definitely killed me for this.”

“Really? That's a shame...” Akechi grinned, wielding the remainder of his drying tears like a weapon. “I could've learned from her and saved us both some trouble.”

“You're a real scary bitch...”

As they kissed, Akechi arched his back, relishing the feeling of Shido's larger body over his. He wanted to taste him more – the ironically sentimental taste of his terrible coffee. That bitter flavor made him feel so pleasantly helpless for him.

“Masayoshi...”

The way that name made his face pale was just perfect.

 

Sometime after they finished and Shido left the bedroom, Akechi returned to his coffee and found his phone. He opened it and scrolled through his messages, feeling nostalgic when he found some familiar old conversations. He was tempted to send a new message, but he knew that he couldn't, so he let himself simply entertain the thought and then let it go.

If he ever met them again, he'd be sure to thank them for their work.


End file.
